Mitchisms

It has been quite sometime since I have written a blog for “Life’s a Mitch Ain’t it?". Recently I have had people request I write one about my “Mitch sayings”. I tend to use unique phrases to express things that most have never said before. I am going to list a few on the blog as well as explain how and where they should be used.

That guy is “about as cool as finding out you have aids on your birthday”.

“As cool as finding out you have aids on your birthday” came from my Fraternity days, particularly Rush. It was something I would write on the boards about a kid that had literally no chance of getting in the fraternity at Ole Miss. It was comic relief for bid sessions that lasted past 3 am sometimes. I now use it on a daily basis for situations such as: spilling coffee on your shirt, traffic, Mondays, and assholes. All of those things are about as cool as finding out you have aids on your birthday.

That girl is so ugly, she’d “scare a buzzard off a gut truck”.

This came from me scoping out girls in college. If one was really really ugly I would use this phrase. Buzzards prey on dead beings and love to eat guts. A gut truck would be a literal heaven for a buzzard, so if they were scared off of one it would have to be something really bad. I now use this phrase to describe people’s breath in the morning, meetings, the though of seeing Twilight, and being a vegetarian They would all scare a buzzard off a gut truck.

I used to say “that’s what she said 20 times a day”. After five or so years it has grown old, so now when someone says, “Mitch, it’s a pleasure to work with you” I respond with “That’s what you said last night”. It’s a lot of fun and gets me through the day. You can also say, “that’s not what you said last night” if someone says “you’re just not working fast enough”.

When someone says “Mitch you really embarrassed me back there” I tend to respond with “I feel as bad as a 5 year old that crapped his pants on a playground”. I use this phrase to show embarrassment or to apologize for a mistake. At five years old that is the biggest mistake you can possibly make and the worst place to do it. I now use it in apologies.