A BOY AND HIS TRUCK

A Boy and His Truck


Tonight I almost traded in my 4Runner which I’ve had for 6 years for a car with better gas mileage to combat Atlanta traffic on a daily basis. In the past few weeks I have test driven a variety of cars and tonight the salesmen almost had me sold on an Acura TL. Then they came in with the trade in value for the 4Runner which was much less than I expected and it was all because of dents and dings on the exterior. As the salesmen pointed to each one I realized that each one had a story.

Salesmen: “Well how did you get this one?

Me: “Well I lived next to a golf course my sophomore year of college and that one is the result o someone’s bad hook off of the 7th tee.”

Salesmen: “And how about this one here?”

Me: “Well that one was from Lake Sardis outside of Oxford, Ms. I must have gotten this 4runner stuck in the mud and sand there 100 times. There is probably still sand from Sardis inside come think of it. We were playing a football game out there one spring afternoon and one hefty fraternity brother tackled another hefty fraternity brother right into my 4Runner and that’s where the dent comes from. I believe my buddy’s head is undentable.”

Salesmen: “What about the stain on the front passenger seat?”

Me: “Well that’s a coffee stain”…

Well…That’s what I told the salesmen but there is more to it than that. That coffee was spilled one morning in the spring of 2007. It was spilled in one of the few times in my life I had ever been nervous. I was dating a girl, who happened to be the first love of my life, and it was the morning her family was in town and it was the first time I would meet her dad. I was living in the fraternity house at the time and grabbed some coffee as I headed out the door, hopped into my 4Runner and began to make my way over to Sorority Row, which was a minute-and-a-half drive max. Well in that minute in a half I answered a call from the girl and because I was nervous I spilled coffee everywhere. Not just on the passenger seat but all over me, my khaki pants, my white polo shirt, and the console of the 4Runner. I then had to drive back to the fraternity house, change clothes, try to clean my car and then head over again. It was the only time in the ENTIRE time we dated I was ever late. She on the other hand, along with every girl I dated before her and every date I ever had after was late every single time. When I got over to her sorority house I had to insist that she drive..which she never did because my 4Runner still wreaked of coffee and was still wet all over.

That made me think, that car was also the place where we had our first kiss. There’s also a dent in the side for the 4Runner from my right fist the night we broke up for good.

Salesmen: “What’s the stain in the very back of the car?”

Me: “Uhh…another spill.”

Again not entirely true….One night in the fraternity house we were all having a great time at a band party. Until…some idiot pulled a fire alarm. Security from the party made everyone leave the house. Before they did however, a few buddies of mine and myself grabbed a few bottles of bourbon from the party and of course…our dates. We all then went and sat in my 4Runner. I DID NOT DRIVE!! I did not even turn the car on so don’t go there. I have never driven drunk and never will. We did however sit in the 4Runner for about an hour that night drinking bourbon and continuing the party well on after it ended. Until a drunk girl in the back, let me rephrase..VERY drunk girl in the back broke that bottle of bourbon somehow and it’s spilled everywhere. My 4Runner smelled like a shot of Makers Mark for the next 3 months.

Driving home from the dealership tonight I decided that I wouldn’t trade in my 4Runner. Sure I’ll be buying another car but it will be with a larger down payment and no trade in. If worse comes to worse the 4Runner can stay at our Mountain house in NC and be used as a hunting/fishing car. I’ll damn sure take the collision off of the insurance now that I know what it is truly worth but I’m keeping it all the same. I have too many memories and too much history with that dinged up metal beast to ever trade it in or let someone else own it. I caused a lot of the dings and dents sure but that truck has also been there for the dings and dents in my life. Whether it was a bad break up with a first love, realizing you were going to make a C in a class, getting hailed on while driving back from Chicago after driving to see a buddy run a marathon. It was there through it all.

I’m a boy and I love my damn truck.

I'm a smartass..sorry?

Many times people wonder how to make up a joke or tell a funny story. The truth is you really never have to make anything up. Real life is crazier and funnier than anything any of us can come up with in our heads. I’m a smartass by nature, and sometimes I don’t really intend for things to be funny but others around me definitely see them that way.

For example: last week it was 7am and I was at the dry cleaners. I had been going to this cleaners for a few months but had never noticed the name. How often does a dry cleaners go by something different than “Dry Cleaning”? Anyways, the name of my Dry Cleaners is “Personal Touch Cleaners” and if you don’t believe me it’s located on Powers Ferry Rd in Atlanta next to a Jersey Mikes and a Caribou Coffee. Realizing this and being the smartass that I am I told the nice lady who works there, who speaks very broken English, that “I would prefer more of a commercial touch this time. I’m not really a personal touch kind of guy with strangers”. The lady had the most confused look on her face and really had no idea what I had said. I was just being myself trying to make the lady laugh. She didn’t…at all. However, the two people behind me, a 40 yr old man and a lady probably in her thirties, were dying. You would have thought I had said the funniest thing on Earth. The lady then proceeded to tell me she was having an awful day and that I had put her in the best mood. So I don’t feel too bad about my smartass comment.

Another funny thing happened this weekend, I woke up on Saturday and headed to Starbucks of course. I threw on some jeans, my Patagonia fleece and a hat. The hat said “Ole Miss” and below that “Alumni”. A lady in line asked me “Are you an Ole Miss Alumni?”…Now normally I would have said “yes” and said “Hotty Toddy” hoping that they were an Ole Miss grad as well. But this lady was wearing an LSU shirt. If you know anything about Ole Miss you know that we don’t get along with LSU fans. I despise them. In Mississippi every time the National Anthem is played it ends with “GO TO HELL LSU!!!”. This being the case I decided to once again be a smartass. In response to her question I simply with the most serious face I could make, “No I got this hat at Goodwill.” The lady feeling bad said “oh…you looked like an Ole Miss grad” to which I replied, “Nope, I buy all my clothes at Goodwill”. She responded with, “yea you can get some great deals there”. I said, “Yea! Especially the underwear! I buy all my underwear at Goodwill. You can get 5 pairs for a dollar!”..She then got a little angry and said “You don’t really buy used underwear that other people have worn..that is disgusting!”. I responded, “Ma’am I would rather wear underwear worn by 50 people and never washed than to ever under any circumstances wear an LSU shirt!” Everyone behind us in line died laughing. The lady walked out without her coffee. Normally I’d feel bad but it was an LSU fan and they asked a dumbass question to the wrong smartass Ole Miss grad